We all want, yearn, for a calm life: idyllic days with enough money and a vacation on the horizon. Then life spins out of control. In the vortex of loss, financial setbacks, and desperation, our true selves emerge.
That’s when I realized. I’m a wimp. Oh, I can quote scripture and sing fervently when life rolls along as expected. I can juggle my disappointment when sideswiped by a minor setback and manage very well, thank you!. But caught in a whirlwind of desperation, I spiral into a morass of self-pity, hopelessness and doubt.
“Where is God in all this?” A dozen Christian ministries promise blessings, but mine are missing. There must be something wrong with me. One catastrophe after another leaves me reeling.
I’m a wimp, alright. But here’s the things. God’s okay with that. Yes, He is training me to be strong and of good courage, but He is full of mercy while I am yet brokenhearted,, devastated and the weakest among us. All He asks is for me, for you, to admit our forlorn condition. Ask for His intervention. Be willing to accept no solutions to problems. Be willing to be at peace amidst the storm.
This is my life right now. Yes, we still own two properties. Each home is problematic in one way or another. Now we owe two sets of property taxes. There is no light at the end of the tunnel…yet. In the midst of trial, I still find my hope in a King who knows my name and holds me in the palm of His hand.
Today we decided to continue to live in the midst of chaos. Such a big decision. We had put a moratorium on all extraneous spending this summer, expecting an end to the whirlwind, but we can’t live like this indefinitely. At some point we need to begin enjoying life again. That day is today. I am choosing to look at the clouds and see better weather on the horizon, rather than expecting another storm. My sweet husband is smiling ear to ear at the prospect. Next blog…where are we going? Stay tuned!